Tuesday, October 20, 2009

what score

Randy's cell went off again. He looked at the incoming call. It was Sebastian. He didn't take it.

It was just weird now, thinking back. How they'd sort of talked about this stuff before. The sex. The fucking. Who'd initiate, who would be the receiver. Well, they'd pussy footed around it. It could always wait. As it was.... there was plenty to do to keep each other intimate. And then, Sebastian just went for it.

Not like he'd expected. So harsh and yet not. It was confusing. The whole aftermath which was much more of an after-burn than Randy ever expected.

Granted, he knew it would happen some day. Just not so soon. Especially, with Sebastian. It seemed to come out of no where. He thought now as he laid still in bed. He didn't think he could talk about it. He hadn't.

Perhaps it was because it had ended so crazy. Didn't help that his Mum almost walked in on them. Almost. He had to keep reminding himself. And he'd stayed home. Said he was sick. He didn't go to the library with Sebastian.

Naturally, later, his Mom took his temp, but he didn't have one and yet most of himself ached afterwards. And he couldn't tell if he ached for Sebastian or, it was something entirely different. It was just different.

He wished Sebastian didn't feel so jealous of Oliver. There was nothing like that going on between he and Oliver. They hardly said that much to each other as it was. It made Randy wonder how it would be if there was no one like Oliver to make Sebastian so fierce on being determined to be the first.

Well, he had let him. Honestly, he didn't know if he could be the one in the relationship to decide he was the boyfriend, after all. Of course, he knew how it looked. He was the older one. He was the bigger one. It didn't, matter after all. Sebastian was the one with the real balls. Evidently. And at the moment it felt like a game with a very uneven score. Perhaps.

2 comments:

e.l. said...

Hopefully, Randy is ok.

Cait said...

I feel bad for Randy. They so need to talk.