Anita was in a cold sweat in the library bathroom. She'd done the unthinkable in the staff sterile bathroom. Cut herself.
Now the clinical white environment was spoiled with her drops of blood on the clean tiles. She whimpered slightly with a shiver. She had a problem, now didn't she? Tears turned cold in the shadows of her eyes. It was an awful feeling. She was an awful person, wasn't she?
She hated all those times having dinner with her mother. All those lies, how everything was fine. Her world was fine. It would be fine. Anita knew it wasn't.
She quickly cleaned up the drops of blood. She had to get out of here. She had to go home. She needed to not think about what she'd done. Naturally, as soon as she returned to her duties, she heard Theresa's laughter. It was as if she wasn't there at all.
"You don't look well?" Newt was there with a cart of books to put away. "Are you ill?"
Anita didn't know what to say. She shook her head.
"Go home, get some rest. There's something going around you know, you might be catching it." He told her. "I'll take care with what you left. Get better, yeah?"
Anita sucked in a breath. Perhaps he was right. She did need to go. Anita needed to escape Theresa's laughter, somehow. So she left in the cold pouring rain. All the while. she knew her leg might bleed again from the cuts. She was afraid of it. But the cold drops of rain drenched her as she headed home without an umbrella. It seemed to have came without warning. Or perhaps she'd neglected it like so many things.
Anita had to face the fact, her life was shit. Completely. She didn't even care anymore.
When she got to the parlor she saw Sebastian standing there looking out of the window at the heavy rain.
"You're wet," he just looked at her.
"Its really coming down like cats and dogs, aye." He kept looking at her. "Are you all right?"
"Are you?" He looked as if he'd been crying.
He went to get her a blanket then.
"Yeah." He put the blanket around her as she shivered, sitting down on the old couch that looked brilliant still in the proper room of an age gone by.
It was then he looked down and noticed what had happened. Drops of blood slipping down her thigh. He scowled ever so slightly and pushed her uniform skirt up to see what she'd done. He stared at the small lacerations. Sebastian slightly shook his head, but no words were spoken. He went to get something then.
Anita thought she could explain, but she couldn't. She didn't want to. It was her problem. Not his. It was nothing. Really. Just nothing.
He put the antiseptic on the cuts, and it hurt worse than ever before. She squinted hard and fretted ever so slightly.
"How long has this been going on?" He wanted to know as he put a topical antibiotic on it. Then a bandage.
"Not- its not what you think." She winced.
"Honestly, I don't want to think about it," he said. "Its horrifying, you'd hurt yourself, like this. Why?"
"I dunno." And she didn't. It felt like a natural reflex now. Something to release the pain she felt inside herself. It was complicated. She was complicated. She guessed.
"You need to find something else. Someone else. You're so much more than this, Anita." Sebastian pressed his lips tight. Anita sensed the rain out there as if it were somehow trying to calm her, but she shivered. "I don't like whats happening to you. I do care about you an awful lot."
"Don't make me sound so-"
"You need help." He stared so intently that she thought he might kiss her, but he didn't. He went to make a phone call instead.
living the dream
20 hours ago