Something was different when Sebastian got home. He didn't know what, but something was out of sorts. Perhaps it had to do that Anita wasn't in her room, but that really wasn't it. He was used to that now. She was probably with Theresa. Perhaps it was just studying. A drink. Catching up. Something sweet, he guessed.
But no, the baby was crying. Sasha's baby was crying. Really, the girl had a set of lungs on her. How could no one not hear her wailing, thought Sebastian.
Naturally, Sebastian wasn't at all up on this sort of thing. But he felt the need to pick her up. To let her know someone was there. That she wasn't completely alone. Alone. He'd felt it for so long. And he didn't feel that when he was with Randy. It was good with him, and the things he told him carried inside of him like an ember of some sort that only needed a torch, and he knew he'd have one in time.
He looked at the infant, wondering where her mother had went because Sasha was always there. Sebastian hoped nothing had happened as he eased through the house holding her ever so carefully. She sucked at her pacifer and was slightly content now. But he couldn't think how long. There was no one about. So he hoped someone was at least upstairs. In the attic.
He let himself in the apartment, and immediately, he knew he'd walked in on something. Sasha was getting dressed. And his father. Did he have to think of him as his father. Really?
"She was crying." Sebastian handed her over to Sasha and went to his room. He shut the door behind him and leaned against the door, heaving. How could he? How could his Dad be with Sasha? He winced with a scowl.
Sebastian had decided he didn't like his father's ways so much. What sort of a wanker was he? Not just the run of the meal, ordinary kind of wanker. A pathetic one. He guessed. A horrible monkey fool.
Sebastian squinted his lids tight. What was he suppose to do? What could he say? Nothing? He found himself shaking. Ready to scream. But he fell on his bed then and hugged his pillow tightly, biting into it as if to relieve some of the anguish he felt having to be his son.
Day 18 -nanowrimo
3 days ago