Jamie had to keep telling himself this wasn't wrong. Not with Maxie. Honestly, it was the last thing he ever expected. Perhaps he was in some sort of rewind cycle.
He did his best not to think about wanting Maxie, but there were moments that slipped in. He hated himself for giving in. Really, he was messing everything up, especially for Maxie and Katy. And everything had been going so well.
He knew something awful might happened. Honestly, this was not the way he wanted it.
Just what sort of person was he?
What would Louie think of him now? He dreamed of him then in bed. Thinking he needed to keep to himself. Do his best to keep away from Maxie.
Things were so different then when he was with Louie. He'd been kicked out of boarding school. Back when his family was rich, and they had a home in Paris. Here too. It was like a different world then, but maybe it wasn't so long ago. It didn't feel like it.
And there was Louie in love with jazz. So in love with cigarettes then. Smoking as if they knew how, only they were just learning. And Louie would speak to him in French and Jamie wouldn't know a word he was speaking, but he'd just smile and they'd end up kissing. There was a lot of kissing. He was fascinated by Louie's lips and everything he knew to do.
"You've done this before." Jamie knew it. And he remembered Louie shaking his head. "Of course, not. We're learning this together." Jamie wanted to think of it that way. He honestly did. They had their little hideaway in the boathouse. Those were lazy days of summer. Those were the days.
But it was just the past now. He needed to stop thinking of the past. What good would it do him now?
Billy & Newt
this too shall pass
5 hours ago