Monday, July 20, 2009

how it came to be

Sasha had been pleased with the thought that Jamie gave her. Really, it made her laugh deep down as her body seemed to evolve from one spasm to the next. It was good sex. Very powerful indeed as she stayed put like an island on the war path. It would shimmer and shake. And she poured with sweat. She needed nothing for the pain now.

They'd walked with her quite a bit at the hospital as if that would help.

It was so funny when the doctor said immediately to her when she arrived. "It'll be here in a few minutes." Wasn't that 27 hours ago or so when he said that?

She'd breathe in a sigh of relief that the baby would come when it was good and ready, and she'd kiss Rhys all the while even though, she suppose he didn't find it sexy in the least. She guessed there were some things she couldn't change about him. Yet he was there for her. As if he'd do as she liked. She'd gripped his hand so hard. Really, he looked worse off than her. She'd never seen him so tired. So helpless.

She loved him more for it.

In some sort of delirium, she supposed now, she'd thanked him. "Thank you for doing this to me. I really do love what you did. Letting me be a part of this." She'd have a good cry of happiness.

"Sasha, please, no, I never meant to hurt you so." He was physically ill about her state.

"But you didn't hurt me," she smiled. "You never did. I feel stronger every pain. It makes me feel so..so much closer to you."

"It does?" Rhys looked quite pale and kept pushing a cold wash cloth on her forehead.

She couldn't express how strong she felt, and even though her mother couldn't be with her, she felt as she were there every step of the way.

"I feel so warm and amazing."

"You're sweating like a pig, Sash." Rhys eyes' rimmed with tears.

"You're crying." Sasha was full of laughter.

"I think I'm just sweating on you, actually." He sighed and she kissed him as if this was the moment of love and beauty and all those things in-between.

It felt to her that worlds were colliding. Her past with a new eclipse. And suddenly it felt freaky. Someone said she needed to be in surgery.

But why? She could hear the baby's heart beat. She knew it was there. It was on the screen. She could see it moving from here.

And Rhys was pulled away, and they covered him in green and made him wear a mask. And she kept wondering what was going to happen when they turned her to her side. When she looked back and saw the long needle, she cringed. They told her to be very still.

HOW DARE THEY?

She squinted hard. Yes, the prick of the needle took forever, stabbing her so painful in the small of her back.

"But it was going so well," She kept telling anyone who would listen.

She couldn't move. Her body felt of cement and yet she knew when they cut into her stomach. A tiny spot above her pelvic. That it was happening. Fingers reaching in to the cavity they'd made. Something being ripped out of her so quickly. It felt never ending. And she didn't hear the baby cry. Nothing.

She felt so awful now. How could she? Tears came, leaving her so cold.

"But?"

More stuff was being pulled out of her. It was as if they'd decided to pull all her insides out, and she'd have to put herself together again. Was that it? Was that what they did to mothers when this sort of thing happened.

She couldn't see them with the baby. All those bodies in the way. One of them was Rhys. It was all so muddled. She was thinking the worst. The very worst.

Finally she saw Rhys' smile, and he brought the baby over to her.

"She's just fine," He told her showing her the baby so calm, but very alert, taking in everything. He held her as if he knew exactly what to do. "Do you like the name Risa?" He'd decided.

She hadn't thought of that name, but she liked it.

"They want you to sleep now, Sash." Rhys nodded.

She didn't like that idea. What if she didn't wake up?

Ian & Gemma

5 comments:

ellie said...

What a time for Sasha. I'm glad the baby is ok.

past the point said...

Wow..that must have been scary for her. Very emotional.

em said...

Oh my gosh. That's all I can say. I'm speechless.

cait said...

I think this will help them see how important they are to each other. I hope.

Winnie said...

The idea of a C-section really scares me. Though one of my close friends is a midwife and she knows exactly what happens...but I am too squeamish to ask.